The Unsuitable Blog II: September 2008

Tonight the celebrity chef and cockernee starts his new show (Ministry of Food) on Channel 4 at 9pm. I am already cringing at the thought of what he's going to make my home town look like. Got a feeling he'll do for Rotherham what the Dukes of Hazzard did for America's south.
I've seen a clip where one woman doesn't even know what boiling water looks like. However, before you all think that this is an extreme, a couple of years ago I asked my younger sister (30 at the time) to chop an onion for me. She didn't know how, so maybe teaching the good folk of Rotherham to cook might mean Jamie has bitten off more than he can chew. I'll feedback my thoughts tomorrow once all the piss-taking in the office has died down.

I've just been googling my own name, etc, while avidly watching the Ryder Cup and came across various blog posts and articles regarding the merits of appointing a 'creative director' for Birmingham. Much akin to the appointment of superstar designer, Peter Saville, to the same post for the city of Manchester.

This is my first 'serious' blog post and while the number of people who may read this are probably few, I have felt an uncontrollable urge to put my opinion on this somewhere tangible if only for my own sanity (the pinot grigio is empty as you can probably tell).

Creative Director of Birmingham. Well, 'poisoned chalice' doesn't quite cover it does it? We've flattened the old Bull Ring and all of a sudden we think we're San Tro-fucking-pez.

Don't get me wrong, I'm the proudest Brummie going and I have lived here for all my 38 years. Well, I live in Sandwell these days (by about 100 yards) but let's not pick hairs. Anyway, in all those years I can't remember a time when Birmingham hasn't been apologising for itself. Apologising for our accent. Apologising for being the second city. Apologising for Duran Duran and UB40. Apologising for not being as creative as London or Manchester. And then, trying to force the issue with steering groups and the like while ignoring the fact that Birmingham is actually a pretty decent place with lots to be proud of.

So would a Creative Director for the city be a bad thing?

Well, let's start by looking at the Manchester version. Peter Saville. A personal hero of mine and one of the men who helped elevate a non-descript industrial Northern town to the cultural vanguard. His work is done. He can look back at a canon of work that includes some of the most iconic imagery ever produced and think "Yes... I am the bollocks aren't I?" Being appointed Creative Director of the city he helped to make famous was as more of a thank you than a plea for help. He and the powers that be may well argue otherwise but I wouldn't believe them.

So what of the Birmingham version? Who, for a start. Well, most creative Brummies would have ad man, Trevor Beattie at the top of their list. And why not? He also is responsible for some truly iconic work and, for what it's worth, is also someone I respect greatly. But his brief would inevitably differ greatly to that of Saville's. The pressure would instantly be on. "Come on Trev, how do we make Birmingham more creative and that?" Rather him than me.

Which brings me back to my earlier point of forcing the issue. What do you think John Lydon would have said if some ad man had come to one of the Sex Pistols early gigs and said "Hello there, I'm the Creative Director of London and I love this punk rock music you're making. Have a council grant." He'd have probably told him to fuck off. At least I hope he would.

Invariably, true creative greatness - and I mean heartstopping, life-affirming, genre-defining, greatness - comes from hardship or poverty or anger or despair or adversity or a combination of these things coming together to create a pressure cooker environment. When there's seemingly no way out, this is when people start to really emote. It's for this reason that the current social climate excites me. I don't mean to sound churlish but, to a degree, society is breaking down and this will give people reference. A desire to lash out by any means necessary. Some will fight, some will cry, some will create. Thank god.

Is it unreasonable to think that Birmingham's time of true creative greatness may not yet have come? The last time Birmingham was at the centre of a true shift in the make-up of society was the Industrial Revolution. The cycle will turn and whether it's engineering again or music or art or advertising or digital or gastronomy or maybe even something we haven't even thought of yet, Birmingham will be at the vanguard again. Some day.

So, will a creative director make a difference? Would he or she make the pantheon of creativity more achievable for the next generation of Brummie artists? If you ask me it'd be like appointing a Minister of Love and Hate. A complete and utter waste of time.

I'll have a grant though.

Bye.